When we think we have a friend

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Friend Or Foe?

 

By BRITTANY KILPATRICK

Staff Writer

Frenemy is a term that most women can probably relate to and most men are likely confused by. A frenemy is not quite bitchy enough to be an enemy, but not friendly enough to be a friend. A frenemy passes as a friend, at times, because she may come through for you on certain occasions.  Other times, she will use you to try to stroke her own ego. A person who tries to make you feel inferior falls under the frenemy category. 

A frenemy struggles with being happy and completely supportive of you, especially when she isn’t content with her life. On the other hand, when she is happy, she then wants you to be in the same spirit with her. When she is miserable, she tries to bring you down with her. The frenemy often likes to stroke her ego:

`Example 1: She brags about her accomplishments and may ultimately insult the way you are trying to accomplish the same goals. After all, her way is the only way.

`Example 2: She reminds you of all of your shortcomings…sometimes two or more of  them in one sitting. 

`Example 3: She asks questions about your life dealing only with your inadequacies. She expects you to tell her all of your troubles so that she can relish in her own good fortunes.

This type of person preys on those who aren’t confrontational. They utilize and often

reaffirm your insecurities if you aren’t careful.  At the end of the day, a frenemy is complex by nature. This person is after all your friend and enemy at the same time. She falls so equally proportioned under both categories that she is not more of one than the other. For instance, half of the time she may take you out and the two of you may have a great time. Compliments may be given and you will have a good laugh. However, on the other occasions she may make snide comments or put you in positions that make you feel awkward. 

On a side note, I’ve learned that in my experience if a person starts acting funky that it is best to ignore her for a while and not hang out with her. Things should change after she is disregarded for a while. After all, a punching bag is no fun if it won’t let you punch it. Chances are she will miss you and be a lot nicer later on. 

A frenemy is confusing and frustrating. However, ultimately it is up to you if you want her in your life. Some people come around. Just make sure you make your happiness your top priority. If this relationship ends up being too much of a dangerous storm, then let the person go. Try to work it out if you can. 

This discussion leaves one topic for final debate. What are real friends?

It all depends on your definition and what you believe is a friend. Some people don’t believe that frenemies exist. I, however, do see them as different from genuine friends. To me, a real friend is mostly supportive. If you two disagree you agree to disagree. A friend doesn’t struggle with supporting you and will relish in the achievements that you both make. Real friends don’t let jealously get between them and inferiority doesn’t exist. Friendships are easier to maintain and cause a person less stress. These friends love you for you and show that often. These qualities are what set frenemies and real friends apart. Hold onto to true friends. They are a rare find. 

 

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